Unsettled.

I was married from 1997 until August of 2017.

I won’t go into WHY that marriage ended, but I will say that I felt a loss from not having someone THERE to wake up next to every morning. This was our little family when my girls were small, back in 2003.

Looking back I don’t have many pictures of me with my ex wife Rachel… which is telling, isn’t it?

If you’re in a happy 20 year marriage you should have a ton of pics with your spouse. Our marriage was never happy, sad to say.

All couples should go see a marriage therapist for a few sessions BEFORE they get married, to see if marriage is a good fit…. I was only 22 years old when I asked Rachel to marry me, with zero wisdom at that point!

Of course, Claire and Grace came from that marriage, and I’m eternally grateful to God for that. They are both college graduates now; grown up, self sufficient, amazing young women indeed.

I wish Rachel the best of everything, and if she wants to get married again I hope she finds a great partner.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I’ve been going back to church since the end of the pandemic and there are many happy older couples I know in our church community, including my parents.

There are also single older women (some widowed) in our church who have told me they are lonely and wish they had a companion. There are very few single men in our church, probably because single men are less likely to go to church… I might be the only single guy in my age bracket who goes to our church!

I don’t have any stats on this, but I feel like the older married couples are happier than the older folks who don’t have a companion. Getting old can be really lonely.

I was in a long term relationship in 2019 and 2020. It was uneven, I wanted to marry her, she wanted to date a million guys. You can only imagine what happened when I asked her to marry me.

Never Again. Nope, No How. No way.

I’m done with unequal unions.

I put my heart in God’s hands now. I’m swimming 50 laps each morning in the community pool. I’m paying down debt, I’m spending time with friends and family. I’m singing in church and volunteering with Habitat for Humanity.

I’m doing my BEST to BE my best. That’s it.

Perhaps I had to go through a bit of heartbreak to evolve into a more compassionate individual, perhaps there is a perfect partner OUT THERE and I’m not ready to meet them yet!

Perhaps I’m meant to develop friendships right now that will lead to a deeper connection down the road?

I would like to be married again; to my best friend, my intellectual partner, someone I can go to church with….

When my marriage ended I read many books about relationships, in an attempt to understand what went wrong. I’m not afraid to admit my role in why it failed. Chalk it up to immaturity and financial insecurity more than anything else. Rachel was talking about divorce 5 years in… I have no idea how we made it to 20 years!

I don’t think most men should get married until they hit 30 years old… or a 750 credit score!

I’m 47 now, great credit… established career… fixed up my house… no addictions, no violent tendencies, no baby mommas, my daughters are grown adults now….. my health is in fine shape.

My goal is to deepen my Faith, be honest with myself, and to live a character based, integrity based existence, in all things. In turn I want to find a woman who values character, integrity, Faith, etc.

Love this pic btw….

I’m putting my Faith in God. When he’s ready it will all unfold, I’m just going to keep truckin.

If you are a person of Faith please pray for me!

Ben T. Alexander

July 15, 2021

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