As a single guy in my late 40’s I’ve figured out what I’m looking for whan it comes to relationships.

I have 100% control over whom I allow INTO my life, and there are some factors that are non-negotiable.

The best relationshsips lift up everyone involved, and that’s truly what I’m seeking here.

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TEN CRITERIA for MY NEXT RELATIONSHIP

ONE: As the relationship develops I’m not going to do all the work, we must meet halfway. If I feel like dating her is pushing a 1,000 pound boulder up a hill there is some lack of desire on her part and I’m wasting my time.

TWO: I want to date a woman with a decent work ethic who has some level of financial independence. If she’s working in a minimum wage job with no personal motivation to better her situation she’s not right for me.

For this reason I really like women in the medical field. A woman who goes to school to earn her RN has an above average level of motivation. I have tremendous respect for women who have taken ANY initiative to improve their lives.

To be clear, I earn more than 99% of the women I’ve ever dated, and my finances are rock solid. I’m merely seeking a partner who is equally intelligent and responsible about HER finances.

THREE: She has to be above average bright. I know, there are nice girls out there with an average IQ, but I’m looking for a life partner who can talk to me about the world and grow with me on an intellectual level. In this way my dating choices shrink quite a bit, but that’s OK.

Bright women also have a challenge finding a man who can match them.

FOUR: If she has a bunch of single guy “friends” who are orbiting around her she needs to Let Them Go when we decide to commit to each other. Those single / straight guys in her life who are “just friends” are really just “dating options if we don’t work out”.

Straight dudes circling around her like hungry vultures are a deal breaker. I know how hetero guys think.

I’m not being a control freak here, I’m just being realistic.

FIVE: I do everything possible to lead my life in a moral and ethical way. I’m not perfect, but I try to have good character in all I do. I want the same conduct and integrity in my long term partner. If she has to lie, even about small things, I don’t want her in my life.

I’m looking for a life partner here, and for that to work we’ll have to trust each other 100%.

SIX: Family is really important to me, and I want a partner who treasures family. A woman who cares about her family will also care about me in the same way. In return I’ll love her the rest of her life, in that calm and steady way I’ve seen my parents love each other the last 5 decades!

Some folks come from deeply broken families, and childhood trauma can carry over into the adult years. That trauma has to be faced and dealt with. Therapy helps.

SEVEN: I’d like her to be grounded in some core belief in a Higher Power. If she wants to go to church with me? Even better.

EIGHT: I’m seeking a partner who values her health and take care of herself. That includes NOT drinking and drugging like a maniac. A glass of wine makes sense, smoking weed every day is excessive. In 2018 I dated a girl who had so much anxiety that she had to drink a bottle of wine to fall asleep EVERY night… I felt bad for her, but my job was not to cure her, only a shrink and a few years of AA meetings could ever do that. I can’t imagine how bad she is now… I hope she got help.

This extends to exercise; I try to walk, swim and lift weights a few times each week. My body is getting older, and my partner will age as well, but we can eat healthy and exercise for better long term health together.

Great health also makes certain other activities more fun as well. Nudge, Nudge, wink wink…

NINE: I’m taking a leadership role in our relationship, which means my girlfriend (or wife) can relax. When I take her on vacation she just needs to pack a bag and clear her calendar for the next 5 days. I’ll plan the entire trip.

She doesn’t have to pay for dinner, she doesn’t have to drive (unless I’m too tired to drive) and she doesn’t have to worry about finances, ever. This is not to say that we don’t discuss things, if she’s my partner I’m going to respect her opinion and value her input, but if she can’t make a decision I have no problem stepping in and moving things along.

This also extends to protecting her and making her feel safe at all times. I’m a physically strong guy, and that strength and power should only be used to protect her at all costs.

TEN: Recently I started taking vacations to see all the beautiful National Parks around the United States. My desire to invite my partner on my NEXT vacation is a big indicator of our future potential. As I go out there and date, if I meet someone and I don’t want her to join me I know she’s not a good fit. I call this my “National Park Rule”.

The “NPR rule” is a great way to channel my intuition.

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That’s my 10 criteria. I’m not going to waver on this, because I don’t lead a mediocre life.

I’m not perfect, I’ve screwed up a thousand times, but I’m crystal clear about how I want my life to look like from now until the Good Lord calls me home.

If you have a vision for how you want your life to look you can work daily in that direction.

OK, enough writing for now… gonna go swim laps in an ice cold pool!

Ben Alexander

:::::: Oct 18th 2021 :::::::